Sassy, No Spoilers: The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires

book reviews, contemporary, funny, scary

Well, considering I’m back in the South (sorry, California), it seemed appropriate to write a review of Grady Hendrix’s The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires. This book managed to creep onto the NYT best seller list, making me give a little cheer because books like don’t often creep onto that list. I know that was like, a whole year ago, but I’ve been busy, okay? Okay.

So let’s talk about vampires for a second.

see also: stacks of grad school reading

I grew up going to a teeny-weeny library in my teeny-weeny hometown in Alabama, where the selections were limited (to say the least). I was lucky to stumble upon Anne Rice’s vampire novels, so I gulped them up at a very early age (twelve? Thirteen?), so to me—that’s what vampires are. They do not sparkle. I repeat: vampires do not sparkle.

I used to be really into whatever vampire-driven novel I could get my gothic little hands on, stopping around the time True Blood ended its long run, for some reason. I moved on. Vampires moved on, their day in the sun kind of over (see what I did there?).

And then What We Do in the Shadows brought it all back around for me, reminding me how much I love a well-told vampire story (that is the funniest show I’ve ever seen, and the vampires remind me a lot of Rice’s vampires, but with unintentional senses of humor). While working in a teeny-weeny library in a teeny-weeny town in Northern California, I stumbled across Hendrix’s My Best Friend’s Exorcism, and I’ve been keeping up with his books ever since (that’s what a cool book cover will do for you). And I was so eager to see what Hendrix would do with a vampire.

Turns out, Hendrix’s vampires are kind of terrifying (as they should be).

This book is essentially exactly what the title suggests: about a gaggle of women who invite (never invite!) a man (never invite a man!) into their book club, and then really weird things start happening. I won’t give it away, because that’s the whole point of it, but I will say this is a page-turner. I enjoyed it, and had a few rare laugh-out-loud moments; Hendrix is quite good with humor—and also good at spinning really weird and uncomfortable situations.

Overall, this was such a fun read (and a little creepy—but not too much, fear not, fellow chickens), and I recommend this book to anyone who enjoys:

  • Southern book club chatter/scandal
  • Vampires that don’t sparkle, even a little bit
  • Strong female characters that are sick of everybody’s shit
  • Humor with a dash of scary

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Sassy, No Spoilers: Finlay Donovan is Killing it

book reviews, contemporary, funny, mystery

Author turned accidental murder investigator? Sassy babysitters? Yes, please.

Whew! It’s been a minute since my last review. After a particularly fun cross-country move to Texas (where I learned, wearing a tshirt and cloth shoes, that it does snow in Amarillo), I have found myself reading a lot of “fun” books, before the “serious books” take over my life in January (MFA low-residency program, here I come). This is one of those fun books.

The closest thing I have to Finlay’s wig scarf

Finlay Donovan is Killing it by Elle Cosimano was gifted to me by the fine folks at NetGalley. I am a real sucker for any story that features a fumbling protagonist, especially one that finds herself in the middle of a mobster/hitman situation. Poor Finlay, she just wants to write Thriller-Romance novels and pay her bills. But when someone overhears her talking about her work at Panera, of all places, Finlay finds herself in a real bad situation. A bad situation that would pay her $50,000 if it went well. That money could also help her win custody of her children against her evil ex-husband, and his even-more-evil fiance.

If she made good choices, the book would be a terrific bore. But of course, dear reader, Finlay fumbles (nervously) right into the thick of it. Will she get out of it with her money—and her life?

The things I enjoyed about this book were the humorous moments, the sassy babysitter, and Finlay’s tendency to always do the wrong thing, but for an honorable reason (her children). It’s a fun story, a little sexy, and you will find yourself glued to the pages as you wonder, well how the hell is Finlay going to get out of that?

I believe this is the first in what will be a series, and I look forward to seeing how Finlay gets out of the next pickle.

Such a fun and light read, I would recommend it to anyone needing a little escape from 2020. Also those who:

  • Loved Desperate Housewives (I am guilty of this, no shade)
  • Enjoy sassy true crime podcasts
  • Wonder what would happen if someone accidentally hired a housewife as a hitman
  • Need to laugh

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Sassy, No Spoilers: Anxious People

book of the month selection, book reviews, contemporary, fiction

A bank robbery gone wrong? Sassy hostages? Yes, please!

Working at the library, I see a lot of the same books circulating and recirculating, being put on hold, barely landing on a shelf (say it with me: that Crawdad book *insert eye roll here*). One of those books lately has been Anxious People, by Fredrik Backman. One of his previous books, A Man Called Ove was also one of my patron favorites, because it was about a lovable curmudgeon.

And oh how I love a curmudgeon.

As I pack all my books…for an upcoming move!

I received an ARC of this book from the folks at Netgalley, but I also chose it as a pick for Book of the Month (is there any greater spoil than being able to read a book on a Kindle AND the actual hardcover? Methinks not). I took it on a trip up to North Bend, WA and it was the perfect light read for a mental vacation.

So let’s talk about what this book is about: without giving away too much, it’s a REAL sassy story, told in multiple perspectives, of a bank robbery gone wrong. Really, really wrong. Like, the bank robber tried to rob a cashless bank, wrong. When the robber tries to make their escape, they end up crashing an apartment viewing. And let’s just say, it gets very interesting.

Aside from the darker themes of this book, I found Anxious People one of the funniest I’ve read in a while. The only thing I didn’t like about it is that it was so long and too rambling at times, and Backman could’ve chopped out 50 pages and had a very strong book. But it was enjoyable, and a nice escape from ~2020~.

I recommend this book to anyone that:

  • Loves a good clusterfuck of heists gone wrong
  • Multiple character stories that intertwine
  • Has ever gone to a house viewing and wondered what the other people were really up to
  • Hates realtors

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Sassy, No Spoilers: The Invention of Sound

book reviews, fiction

Secretive Foley artists? The perfect scream as a weapon? Washed out actresses? Yes, please.

To know me is to know I love, love, Chuck Palahniuk. I started reading his books in the late 90s/early 00’s, when I’d get made fun of in high school for carrying around books with dead birds on them (hello, Lullaby). But I didn’t care, and each Palahniuk release was (and still is) my escape into a chaotic (and often nihilistic) world full of characters that you’re not supposed to like, but somehow find yourself pulling for them anyway.

And The Invention of Sound is no different.

Have you ever wondered who makes all the screams in your favorite horror movies? Especially the old ones, where the screams sound eerily real? Well, our MC, Mitzi, might know all about the magic behind all that. She’s Hollywood’s favorite Foley artist, with a penchant for popping Ambien and throwing it back with wine. She’s got secrets, y’all. The family business is booming, but why does she feel like such a monster?

On the other hand, we have Foster, who has a deep and problematic obsession with finding his daughter’s kidnapper. He thinks he’s a vigilante for kidnapped children, but he’s really bad at it. When he gets a tip that might help him solve his daughter’s case, all hell breaks loose.

The dual narrative of Mitzi and Foster kept me on my toes, with the story tension relieved by excerpts from the memoirs of a Hollywood star, Blush Gentry. Can we take a moment to appreciate Blush Gentry? Is that not the absolute best name for a character, or what? I dare you to find a better one.

Without giving away anything, let’s just say this is a quick read, and you’ll find yourself googling things like “Foley artists” and “Wilhelm scream.” Just like any other Palahniuk book, the research is solid, and you’ll wonder what’s real and what isn’t—just like the characters in the book.

Palahniuk books are very special to me, as I’m sure anyone reading this has that author that they will follow to the end of time. His characters raise big questions about the way we view ourselves, and how we’re often wrong. His stories can (and will) make you laugh/cry. Just like I argue that Stephen King’s books are actually deep on a human (and often, cultural) level, so too are Palahniuk’s stories of people on the edge of civilization.

I recommend The Invention of Sound to people that are curious about reading a book that isn’t Fight Club, but want to dive into the very approachable voice and world of Palahniuk. Also, fans of:

  • The absurdities of Hollywood
  • Nerd-level research about things like Foley artists and sound engineering
  • Characters that are possibly nihilists, but don’t think they are, which leads to personal chaos and so. much. conflict.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Sassy, No Spoilers: All the Ugly and Wonderful Things

book of the month selection, book reviews, contemporary, fiction

Y’all ever just start reading a book that you’re not REAL sure about, because so many people have some really strong feelings about it? Some say it’s their favorite book of the year, others say it’s offensive trash. I love books that spark a hot debate from all sides, because that tells me the author did something right.

Also, if someone says a book is “offensive trash,” guess what? My inner John-Waters-loving-self is going to see what’s going on.

The thing about this book that rubs people the wrong way, is that it’s a coming-of-age love story between a man and a young woman. Well, she starts out as a young girl, growing up in a world of abuse with her meth-lab family. See how that could get offensive, real quick? Yeah.

So, I didn’t think All the Ugly and Wonderful Things was offensive, much in the same way that I am not appalled by Lolita. I see them both as very ugly stories that aren’t ugly at the core, but that can be easily seen that way (can we say, judging a book by its cover? I think we can!). The beautiful things about this story are its two main characters, Wavy and Kellen; they are written in such a way that you instantly see the connection between them, and the whole point of this book (I think) is that it shows what the power of characterization can do. It can make you pull for the bad guy (Breaking Bad, anyone?), and REALLY question your own morals. At the end if this book, you can’t deny that you’re weirdly pulling for these two crazy kids to just work it out.

But that’s what’s so great about this book! The backdrop is unique in this book, and the ugliness of it only makes it that much more beautiful. I found myself cheering for Wavy and Kellen, and marveling over the brilliant way Greenwood built their world.

This book isn’t for everyone, sure, but I would recommend it to:

  • People who actually enjoyed Lolita as literature (I know I’m not the only one)
  • Anyone who loves a book with amazing character building
  • Those interested in questioning their very moral center and reading “uncomfortable” stories
  • People who enjoy reading books that create debates

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Sassy, No Spoilers: Nothing to See Here

book reviews, contemporary, fiction

I first heard of Kevin Wilson when The Family Fang came out, and I was slightly incensed by the whole idea; it seemed, to me, a cheap attempt at a Wes-Anderson-meets-JD-Salinger-knock-off story. The reviews were all over the place, and I kind of let the author slip through the cracks. I don’t know–maybe I was too busy doing whatever I was doing in 2011 when it was released: working at Whole Foods, and trying to get boys to buy me fancy drinks. It was a strange time, okay?

So anyway, fast forward to 2020 and I keep seeing Nothing to See Here glaring at me from my library shelf. It’s my fault that it is glaring at me, as I keep choosing this book as one of the face-outs, trying to convince people to check it out. And they do. And then they tell me how “weird” the book is. Like, quirky-weird, fire-children, weird.

I love weird.

So, I breezed through this short book in a few days, loving the story of two “fire children” as metaphors for wealthy, political families trying to ignore (see also: hide) their misdeeds (see also: children from a previous marriage, pawned off onto the unwitting “governess”). It was funny, a little sad, and wildly entertaining. This book does a great job burying a Big Social Statement wrapped-up inside a tidy little funny package (see also: Helen Ellis’s Eating the Cheshire Cat), and I do love a clever plot.

I also felt slightly smug (as I basically have for the past few months, considering what a dumpster fire 2020 is turning out to be) for the fact that I am gleefully childless. This book added another mark to that tally.

I’ll keep this review short and sweet, just like the book, and recommend for:

  • Wes Anderson fans (yeah, yeah)
  • Someone needing a lighter read, perhaps as a break between All Those Damn Thrillers
  • Gleefully childless people. Also parents that find themselves calling their kids “little demons”
  • Those wishing for a summer read that:
    • Doesn’t involve a murder
    • Isn’t totally mindless and might just pass the Bechdel test
    • Actually has a moral to the story
  • Anyone that ever went as a scholarship kid to anywhere

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Sassy, No Spoilers: Beach Read

Uncategorized

Romance novelist meets literary novelist? Love? Okay…

So, Romance really isn’t my jam. Call me a cynic, a curmudgeon. I don’t really enjoy “contemporary love stories” unless they were written by Nora Ephron (or are Bridget Jones, my guilty pleasure read), and anything else falls short (change my mind?).

BUT.

I’m also one of those people that enjoys “seeing what all the fuss is about” with popular books (see: Twilight, Where the Crawdads Sing) so that I can complain about how overrated they are, but intelligently and with bodies of evidence backing up my loathing (see: Twilight, Where the Crawdads Sing). The only book I couldn’t get through (or past a sentence, actually), was the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon, in which case I might point to a lengthy Target receipt and boldly state that it was better penned.

I’m nowhere near a beach. So I Googled images of nice beaches at work.

Anyway, everyone in the Book of the Month community was losing their minds over Beach Read, as a light-hearted, fun Romance for “the rest of us,” the skeptical snobs who turn up their noses at Danielle Steel and Nicholas Sparks. (Guilty.)

And reader. I was disappointed. I found myself eye-rolling and skimming through many of the mushy-gushy scenes because it was just so over the top as to be pure fantasy. I felt the author was coming from a good place, but I just found the protagonist weak and not as full of venom as the dust-jacket copy promised (and for someone who clearly understands the mechanics of a novel, as she wrote them into the book very clearly for the two “writers,” the promise of the premise was a huge letdown).

So what’s it about, anyway?

A woman (and popular Romance writer), reeling from the sudden death of her father, inherits his beach house that he shared with his secret lover. And who lives next door? None other than the protagonist’s enemy from college. Another writer. A literary one. Trouble ensues, they end up making a bet that the other can’t write a novel in the same genre. Sexual tension builds, of course, which comes with its own set of problems.

I got through it, and I can see the appeal. And I really don’t enjoy negative reviews, so instead I will note the good things about this novel.

  1. It reminded me of a lot of relationships in my 20s, and the stupid things I did that makes me cringe now. Personal! Growth!
  2. The man’s name is Gus, which is my dog’s name, though I do not think my Gus cares.
  3. It was a nice brain break away from all the thrillers I’ve been terrifying myself with.
  4. It broadened my horizons in a genre I don’t normally read.

And there you go. While it wasn’t necessarily my cup of coffee, I’ll recommend BR to:

  • Romance enthusiasts with a positive outlook on love, not a skeptical one for those of us ruined by reading too many Stephen King/Chuck Palahniuk/Flannery O’Connor stories.
  • People on a beach (though there’s a huge lack of actually being on the beach in this book?).
  • Book clubs looking for something that won’t make everyone blush TOO terribly.
  • Someone that needs a flippin’ break from too many scary books in a row.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Sassy, No Spoilers: Home Before Dark

book of the month selection, book reviews, fiction, scary

Abandoned haunted houses? Mysterious deaths? Creepy interior decorating? Yes, please.

Riley Sager is definitely one of the “buzziest” authors in the Book of the Month bubble. I’m most certainly the type of person that will read an author’s book just to see “what all the dang fuss is about,” and Sager has quickly tumbled into that category for me.

The thing I love most about Sager is that he clearly takes things he loves and puts his owns spin on it: Lock Every Door was a nod to Rosemary’s Baby/Ira Levin; Final Girls was perhaps a nod to 80s teen slasher flicks; and Home Before Dark is The Amityville Horror.

I’m here for this.

I, too, love writing my obsessions into my work, so it’s glaringly obvious to me when an author writes to something in which they clearly are passionate about. I think it goes without saying that you’d have to care a lot about famously haunted houses in order to write your fictional account of a family that survived a terrifyingly haunted house. Which is exactly what Home Before Dark is about. (Oddly enough, the title really has nothing to do with the book. I also argue this with Lock Every Door.)

Okay y’all. I’m a chicken. I don’t do “scary” very well–particularly the scary that involves:

  1. Vengeful ghosts
  2. Children (they are always the ones that see the shit first!)
  3. Possessions
  4. Haunted houses of any kind, really

So let it be known: I was nervous about this one. For good reason: Sager is really good at writing scenes filled with creepy suspense that keeps readers on their toes, throwing twists at you left and right, and wrapping things up with a bow (albeit, a bloody bow, but still).

The protagonist, Maggie (my sister’s name, but I doubt I could convince her to read this book, she’s as much of a chicken as I am), inherits the house she and her family fled decades ago, and which made her writer-father famous for his take on what happened in the house. Convinced her parents were full of crap (because ghosts are, like, totally not real, right?), Mags has to face the creepy house and uncover all the deep, dark secrets buried in those walls.

Some people have said this book isn’t scary at all. I disagree, perhaps because my imagination loves to run wild when the lights go out. I was essentially haunting myself with the visions of the ghosts in this book, and it gave me the creeps. Now that I’ve fully recovered (I recommend lights on for at least three nights with this one), I can move on to another Sager book.

If you’re a big chicken but love Riley Sager, this one might be your favorite. Be a chicken, but go forth. Be brave. And maybe read some David Sedaris before bedtime, to laugh those ghosts away.

I recommend this book for fans of:

  • Every haunted house book/movie ever made, particularly The Amityville Horror and The Conjuring*
  • Shirley Jackson in general
  • All those HGTV shows, because you really want to see a show about interior decorators taking on haunted houses (10/10 would watch this)
  • Antiques
  • Small towns

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

*Full disclosure: I went on a first date to this movie, got so scared I made us leave halfway through. Did not have another date with this guy ever again, can’t say I blame him.

Sassy, No Spoilers: Happy & You Know It

book of the month selection, book reviews, contemporary, fiction

Playgroups gone wrong? Wellness-obsessed influencer moms? Yes, please.

Confession time.

I manage two small libraries, and one of my duties is children’s programming–specifically, preschool storytime.

I do not particularly care for this duty. Pre-COVID, I performed two storytimes per week, which largely involved me reading picture books, singing songs horribly off-key, and doing many things called “freeze dances.” Sometimes shakers go into full effect. I have taken more than one giant Lego to the head.

Reader, let it be known. I prefer dogs and vacations over children; it’s purely a fault within my own DNA, I assure you. I’d rather wax poetic about adult books all day, but alas, this is not within the wheelhouse of my job.

But I sure do love complaining about it, reader. Which is why I was tickled when I discovered Happy & You Know It as a BOTM pick. I branched out from my usual dark fiction picks to indulge my inner Sex and the City lover (she is very real).

The protagonist has just been kicked out of her band, right before they blow up and become hugely famous. She needs a job, so she gets one as a playgroup musician for the New York City elite, where she meets women that have lives she can only dream about.

But of course, not all is as it seems. Some real scandalous shit goes down, y’all. The wellness-loving mamas are kind of a mess. And it’s so fun to watch the bizarre story unravel, all while not having to worry about ghosts and jump scares (yeah, I’ve been reading a lot of Riley Sager and Stephen King lately).

This one is quick, and may be a little confusing because it is told in third person from many perspectives (which I found a bit jarring, actually), so pay attention!

I recommend Happy & You Know It if you:

  • Like Sex and the City, especially around the time Miranda has her baby
  • Enjoyed The Nanny Diaries
  • Need a break from binge-reading all those thrillers and scary books, you wild babe, you
  • You have a job that forces you to perform for children, and enjoy seeing other people suffer this, too 😉

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Sassy, No Spoilers: We Have Always Lived in the Castle

book reviews, Classics

Shirley Jackson, my resident Queen Weirdo

When I heard that Elizabeth Moss was portraying Shirley Jackson in a fictionalized biopic of the author’s strange and reclusive life, I had to watch it immediately (sorry, boyfriend)…especially considering I had just breezed through what may be her best book: We Have Always Lived in the Castle.

Y’all.

Let’s talk about how some scary books aren’t surface-scary at all, but instead get underneath your skin like a splinter and make it so that you can’t think about anything else for a while. That pretty much sums up the body of Jackson’s work: characters that are unsettling, possibly murderous, but you root for them anyway.

In We Have Always Lived in the Castle, we get a first-person perspective of an 18-year-old woman that we probably can’t trust, “Meerkat,” but she sure is sassy (like, hides in the woods, loves poisonous mushrooms, maybe a low-key witch, sassy). Her family life is bizarre and tragic, and you will want to discover why.

There are no shocking twists that a casual thriller fan couldn’t figure out pretty quickly, but hot darn, it’s a fun ride. The characters reminded me a lot of the Southern gothic tales of Flannery O’Connor (my #1 literary babe), and I feel like Jackson used a lot of her real-life experiences to plant the seeds of darkness in this novel’s characters.

And the fun part of this book? You’ll recognize a LOT of this story in Shirley. It’s like Easter eggs, but for classic horror fans. They do not disappoint.

Since it’s a short read (and easily found for free through the Libby app to send to your reading device!), I’ll just say read it. Watch Elizabeth Moss make you uncomfortable in Shirley.

I recommend this book for….

  • Fans of The Haunting of Hill House or The Lottery
  • People that just finished reading Home Before Dark, the new Riley Sager (the house will be eerily similar)
  • Cat lovers
  • Haunted house lovers
  • Someone obsessed with their own siblings (yeah, is that real? I want it to be)

Rating: 5 out of 5.